Post 582: COMMUNICATE - BUT DON'T TELL FIBS!

I have often recommended someone in the band should SPEAK to the audience as much as possible. Fans enjoy receiving scraps of information about the band and the music being played, including the titles of tunes.

However, I wish some speakers would take more care to get their facts right.

I often hear band-leaders giving information that is neither credible nor amusing. There's plenty of fake news in the way tunes are introduced. My friend Bob Anderson of San Diego told me the same is true in the USA: he said: 'We have a few bandleaders here who are either misinformed or think the false myths are a good story'.

I can recall occasions when an announcer said something that members of the audience were too polite to tell him was untrue. One told us the New Orleans trumpet-player Jabbo Smith made records in the 1940s and then 'faded away and was heard of no more'. Yet some of us knew Jabbo was still playing in the 1980s: there are YouTube videos of him doing so.

Often I hear a tune introduced as 'written by the great Louis Armstrong' when in fact it was certainly not written by him.

I have heard Ice Cream announced as being by Chris Barber, the British band-leader (no doubt because his band recorded it), with no recognition that it was composed before Chris Barber was born and first made famous as a jazz tune by such musicians as George Lewis.

Recently I heard a band-leader firmly say: 'This next tune was composed by Benny Goodman. It is called The Glory of Love.' If he had said 'recorded by', I would have given the matter no further thought. But he definitely said 'composed by'. That sounded fishy to me. When I arrived home, I checked and found the composer was in fact William Joseph Hill, who had studied at The New England Conservatory of Music and went on to run a jazz band in Salt Lake City.

I have noticed that an introduction frequently used by one announcer is: We're now going to play the old Fats Waller number.... and he then names, for example, Do You Know What It Means To Miss New Orleans or You Always Hurt The One You Love - tunes that were written after Fats Waller died!

Algiers Strut is often introduced incorrectly as having been 'written by Kid Thomas Valentine' - an announcement that particularly irritates my friend Barrie Marshall. And I know of two band-leaders (one of them, sadly, no longer with us) who loved to play Doctor Jazz and always announced it as 'by Jelly Roll Morton'.

It's true Morton's band made a fine recording of this tune; but it was not 'by' him. The music was written by King Oliver, as you can see:

Doctor Jazz is one of the great classics of our repertoire. It is played so often that we tend to overlook what a fine piece it is. Unlike many, the song has a good and appropriate Verse; and the 32-bar Chorus is brilliantly constructed, with a beautiful chord progression, a vigorous, singable melody, and some built-in opportunities for 'breaks' - on Bars 15-16, 25-26 and 27-28. What a great man Joe 'King' Oliver was, in his own playing, in producing such seminal recordings with his bands and also in his composing! We are all deeply in his debt.

Moral of the story: get your facts right; and don't credit the hard work of a composer to someone else.

Post 529: THE GOLD STANDARD IN JAZZ PLAYING - A RECENT CORRESPONDENCE

E-MAIL 1

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Hi I,
Just to set on record how much Barry, Bruce and I thoroughly enjoyed this lunchtime's jazz session at the D&G. What a splendid group of musicians, and all of you 'gelling' in the tunes you played. We agreed that it was the most enjoyable musical event we'd been to for a very long time. I hope the same group can be gathered again for another performance - it really was outstandingly good.
Goes to prove a theory I developed decades ago that the functions one thinks could be a bit 'dodgy' - you had warned me! - often turn out to be excellent.

C.

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E-MAIL 2

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Hi C,

Thanks very much for the kind compliments. I am glad you enjoyed the performance.

I thought we did well but that so much could have been better. I have been spoilt by frequent exposure to the playing of Tuba Skinny and The Shotgun Jazz Band. They are the Gold Standard. So, whenever I play in any band, I am all too aware of how our performance compares with theirs.

Always, I find us defective in many respects. I think we could improve our playing just a little if we had rehearsals and if we discussed and analysed our playing intelligently and critically.

But the truth is: we old guys are simply not good enough. We do our best and can be reasonably entertaining but we are many miles short of the top-quality stuff.

Best wishes,

I.

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E-MAIL 3

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Hi I,

I think we can all appreciate the Gold Standard whenever we come across it, whether it be in the arts, sport or any other field of human endeavour. That it's given to so few people to reach is what makes it special and admirable.

But if we all tried to reach that sort of standard in our chosen fields of activity, there would be much disappointment and the suicide rate would rocket!

We live in the English East Midlands, not in New Orleans, and I think we should treasure the talent that the region has to offer us - not least musically. OK, not Shotgun or Tuba Skinny, but I really don't think that matters at all - Thursday's outing to the D&G had three of us singing the band's praises on the way home.

Incidentally, the ride to and from the D&G in Bruce's new, automatic, 4-seater sports Mercedes was a treat in itself: the technology in that car is quite remarkable. It can do just about everything short of making a dry martini!

C.

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E-MAIL 4

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Dear C,

Thanks as ever for talking good sense to me.

I think if you want a Mercedes that serves dry martini, you need the 2017 E Class Coupé.

I don't feel 'suicidal' about my inability to play like the youngsters in New Orleans, though I am envious and frustrated.

Your comparison with sport is spot on. When, long ago (in 1988) I took part in The London Marathon, even though I finished 10956^th, two hours behind the winner, I was on a high for days afterwards. It's the same with playing jazz: I feel exhilarated by the attempt, despite the frustrations.

Best wishes,

I.

Post 438: AT THE JAZZ BAND CONCERT - PLAYING REQUESTS

It often happens - especially at less formal gigs - that bands receive requests from the audience to play particular tunes.

Should the band play requests or not?

I have come across bands who have a fixed playlist to which they adhere rigidly, refusing to take any requests. On the whole, I think this is a pity. However, I can appreciate that the musicians in such cases want to sound as competent as possible and want to be heard at their best, especially if they have a well-prepared, well-rehearsed programme.

Sometimes a band receives a request that seems crazy in the circumstances. For example, a trio comprising clarinet, guitar and string bass is asked to play South Rampart Street Parade - a number that requires a big band and, ideally, at least one powerful trombonist. Or you have a request to play Stranger on the Shore (a clarinet feature) at a time when there is no clarinetist in the line-up. The person making the request is thinking of the pleasure he derived from recordings and is unable to grasp the limitations of the instruments in front of him.

Surprisingly, I have seen some musicians attempt to oblige even when 'asked for the impossible' in this way; but the result is more often than not disappointing. So it is better to deflect such requests and explain why they are impractical.

An irritating experience that I'm sure many musicians will recognize is this: someone comes up to you and requests a tune; you agree and start playing it for him. Then you notice that he has wandered off into the distance and is in animated conversation with somebody, neither of them bothering to listen. What is the point of such requests? I have no idea. Maybe such people simply wish to show off to their friends that they actually know the name of at least one tune!

I have been present on occasions when a band has been requested to play a tune that is obviously not in its repertoire. Two or three of the musicians say they vaguely know it and the band agrees to 'give it a go'. The result has usually been messy and it would have been better if the band had simply declined the request. I accept that audiences seem to admire these brave attempts but on the whole I do not think it is good for a band in public performance to be seen struggling.

The tunes most often requested (in my experience) are When The Saints Go Marching In, Sweet Georgia Brown, Stranger on the Shore, Twelfth Street Rag and Tiger Rag. All bands can play these very readily - they have had to do so hundreds of times. Some musicians groan when they are asked to play When The Saints yet again; but it is their job to please the public, so their best tactic is to blot out memories of all previous performances and do their best to play the tune in a fresh and appealing manner.

On the whole, I think bands have to put the customer first and should welcome requests. But they should also be prepared to say a polite 'No' rather than risk making fools of themselves.

Post 314: LISTENING TO TRADITIONAL JAZZ

An American reader wrote to me about listening skills.

He said that, if you are in a club and can see the musicians, it is easy to pick out the sound of each instrument. But when you are at home listening to recordings, it can sometimes be difficult to do so.

Maybe his theory is correct. I like listening to string quartets and I can tell you I find it very difficult to distinguish the viola from the cello when I'm listening to the radio or a CD.

This led me to think about wider issues concerned with listening.

Despite not being all that brilliant as a player, I am lucky enough to be asked to play in various bands from time to time. And I am often surprised at how limited the listening skills of the audience seem to be. If we make a horrible mistake (it certainly happens), nobody in the audience even blinks an eyelid. Play something really badly and people tell you how great your music is. Play something really well and nobody takes any notice.

I also have accumulated plenty of evidence that many people can't tell which instruments which sounds are coming from - except when it is blindingly obvious - when someone takes a solo at the front of the stage.

Bass players, banjo players and guitarists fare particularly badly. I'm sorry to say the typical audience member hardly notices their individual skills, except on the rare occasion when they are given a solo chorus. Ask someone what he thought of the string bass player's contribution to the ensemble and he tells you he didn't notice.

It's the same with visual skills. I remember once playing in a quartet for a couple of hours in a church with a seated audience. At the end, a gentleman came up to us to ask whether we could play at a birthday party the following month. As we reached for our diaries, he said - to our amazement - 'Now how many of you are there? Five, isn't it?'

Similar was the occasion when I played in a quartet of guitar, tuba, clarinet and trumpet. At the end of our first set, we were told: 'We're going to draw the raffle now. So can we have a roll on the drums please?'

How unobservant audiences can be!

I have also met people who have attended good jazz performances and yet can't recall anything about them - apart from a joke made by the leader or the fact that someone put some funny words to a well-known song. Ask them how good the string bass player was and they don't even remember whether there was a bass player.

Post 296: OUR MUSIC IS CHAMBER MUSIC?

I have been interested for more than thirty years in the presentation of acoustic performances by small music groups. I listen to and play in traditional jazz bands and I also attend chamber music concerts (especially those given by string quartets). So I am offering the following questions and my personal answers to them as food for thought.

What do chamber musicians and jazz musicians have in common?

They play one to a part and their music is not popular with the masses. Playing a type of music that does not attract large audiences, they do not make a fortune.

Why do we choose to be ‘unpopular’?

We take pride in being miniaturists. We like hearing music played acoustically. It is easier to appreciate details. The noise level is bearable. There are delicate textures. We better appreciate the drama of the music’s dialogue. The individual players - playing just one to a part - are more free to express themselves.

Does such a group need a leader?

Do not be too democratic. It is helpful to have a leader (or to take turns at being leader). It may help to have two leaders – one who manages bookings and one who 'directs the traffic' of the music.

Do we need to get on well together socially in order to make good music?

It helps, but is not essential. Musicians who do not get on well socially sometimes make wonderful music together. Conversely, musicians who get on well sometimes make a poor job of performing. 

How can we give a decent performance if we are just starting out and some of our players are inexperienced?

Choose repertoire within your capabilities. Then, however limited the players' abilities, aim to make the whole greater than the sum of the parts. This means not just playing the notes; it means concentrating on teamwork and interpretation.

Can we get away with practising alone, or should we often rehearse as a group?

Group rehearsals are essential for chamber music; and many jazz groups would be more worth listening to if they rehearsed together more often.

How can we ensure that practice brings improvement?

Do not use much time playing pieces you already know well. Seek new challenges; and focus on the mental as well as the physical. 

How do we get bookings?

The following methods may help - but not much: the Internet, Leaflets, Small Ads. Agents may be helpful but should be treated with caution. Being seen and heard (for example, busking in the street) is the best form of advertising: one performance leads to another. Next best is word-of-mouth. 

How should we dress when giving a concert?

For most venues, a group should look good and adopt a unifying style, even if this means some formality. Individuals have to forego personal preferences for the good of the group.

How can we win over our audience?

It is essential to keep in your mind that your listeners are giving you two hours of their precious time. So you owe it to them to communicate well. Look involved and interested. Smile. Speak to them: they love information. Your programme should be balanced and should match the needs of the audience. Don't be too esoteric and don't risk a built-in fidget ingredient. Welcome feedback and learn from it.

If we develop a good programme, can we be sure it will always work?

Don’t be surprised when you discover that no two audiences are the same. Every audience acquires its own collective mood. A piece of music that is received enthusiastically by one audience may fail completely with another. Also, you must never take seriously anyone's promise that all the seats will be sold!

Should we use microphones and amplification systems?

Wherever possible, play acoustically. Instruments carry surprisingly well, even in large halls.

Will a piece of music become stale if we play it often?

Staleness may set in eventually, but not for a very long time; and during that time, you play the piece better and better. Do not complain when asked to play a piece you have played a hundred times before. You must please the paying public. 

How should we relate to the people who help put on our concerts?

Support in every way the entrepreneurs, promoters and sponsors who give you opportunities to play, who publicize events and attract the audience. They rarely have much cash to play with.

Will the piano be in tune?

Expect pianos to be unsatisfactory even if they have allegedly been tuned recently. Regrettably, it is best to have your electronic keyboard in the car.

Should we make a CD?

If it gives you pleasure, fine; but you are unlikely to recoup the cost. Also, recording will highlight mechanical noises, coughs, unwanted resonances and especially errors; and a good balance will be hard to achieve. So think twice before making a CD. ‘Demo’ recordings should not be necessary and are unlikely to pay for themselves.

How should we arrange the performers at a public performance?

If you have enough space and not too many players, go for an ‘arc’. A well-known jazz musician friend of mine wrote this after first trying this arrangement: ‘The difference when playing in a semi-circle was amazing. I could hear every instrument, and see everyone. More importantly, I could see all signals. I feel that, where possible, it is a good formation for a 4/5 piece band. Also, the audience can see everyone too!’

Post 248: THOSE SCRUFFY MUSICIANS OF NEW ORLEANS!

Tuba Skinny: Scruffy? Unprofessional?

In recent months, a few elderly musicians have complained about the 'scruffiness' of the young bands who currently busk so brilliantly on the streets of New Orleans.

There was even a minor debate on this topic in the English 'JAZZNORTHWEST' web-site, sparked off by a comment from Louis Lince, the great banjo-player, bandleader and former jazz magazine publisher. He said: '...if Tuba Skinny want to play concerts in the UK they will have to smarten themselves up. Dirty jeans/cut-offs, tennis shoes and t-shirts are NOT the way to go.' I smiled when I read this, as I thought Louis was making a good ironic joke - deliberately mimicking a long-retired colonel living in Kent - the kind of man who used to write to the newspapers under the pseudonym 'Disgusted, Tunbridge Wells'. But I later came to realise he meant what he said.

And this week a correspondent (who says he is a 'huge fan' of Tuba Skinny) wrote to tell me he wishes the band would 'become more professional'. He says 'I wish they would smile more, dress better and look like they are having fun'. He goes on to name particular members of the band, saying they look bored and that one appears to be in dirty clothes.

He asked me to give my opinion. Well, here it is.

I must warn you first that - sadly - at the time of writing this article I have never personally seen Tuba Skinny. So I'm not well placed to judge. But I have spent many hours watching them on dozens of YouTube videos.

I am a very old Englishman and I grew up amidst the British conventions of the 1940s. Those conventions were still influenced by Victorian and Edwardian manners and by military discipline, because our school-teachers and fathers and grandfathers - our rôle models - had fought in the First or the Second World War.

So in my working life, I was required to wear a clean shirt, a smart suit and a tie every day - even in the hottest weather. (I did not enjoy doing so.)

If I had turned up for work with a tattoo or with a ring through my nose, I would have been summoned to the boss's office and sacked.

So you can see that the culture from which I come is alien to that of the young jazz musicians on the streets of New Orleans. But what they and I have in common is a love of traditional jazz and a desire to play it as well as we can.

I feel envy and admiration for the courage and determination of those young people who (in some cases after a good college education) have thrown up the chance of becoming bankers or business executives or lawyers or accountants in order to busk on the streets. I suspect some of their critics are unconsciously envious of them too. While honing their music-making skills, they barely make enough to pay the rent; they have to buy their clothes from charity shops (what the Americans call 'thrift shops'), and make do with old bicycles for transport.

I can understand audiences being disappointed because some of these young musicians do not always look cheerful. But when you are playing session after session in 80 degrees to 90 degrees Fahrenheit (26 degrees to 32 degrees Celsius) - sometimes till 3am as at The Spotted Cat - and repeatedly playing the same tunes, it is difficult to appear always fresh and cheerful. Sometimes you will look weary. What makes it harder is that you are constantly pestered by tourists wanting to 'sit in' or to be photographed with you or keen to tell their friends they talked to you.

By the way, I have frequently seen Shaye smile in videos. I think it's only because she is such a thinker and because she concentrates so hard on what is going on that she sometimes gives the impression of looking too serious.

I don't object to their casual laid-back approach to life. As far as I can tell from the many videos, they keep as clean as is possible in the hot, humid and sometimes dusty conditions. Their dress for busking is appropriate to the weather and the environment. At commercial gigs it is 'smart casual' and that's fine with me.

[Edited note - added several months later: I have now seen the band on the streets of New Orleans. I stand by all I have written. They are clean and smart, wearing sensible casual clothes that are just right for the hot climate and the music scene in which they participate.]

On tour, they typically attract audiences of 500 happy, excited, mainly young people. How many of our bands dressed in jackets and ties could do that?

Thank goodness we all agree the music they produce is - as my correspondent said - 'fabulous'.
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Footnote: I have received many emails in response to this post. Nobody so far has agreed with the view that Tuba Skinny are 'scruffy'.

Here is a selection. First from Fred Burnett who runs the JAZZNORTHWEST web-site:

Hi Ivan,

In case you hadn’t seen it, there’s a  whole debate on this subject on my site which started back in July 2012 and the last entry being towards the end of April this year.

I appreciate though that Tuba Skinny first got cited as an example by Louis this year after Norman Gibson resurrected the subject.

http://www.jazznorthwest.co.uk/scruffy.htm

Fred

From an Englishman who visited New Orleans in April:

Morning Ivan

Totally agree with your comments. The band members might appear to be bored and uninterested but they all take their work seriously. Off duty they are chatty, charming and great fun. We had long chats with most of the band and they were happy to share their thoughts on their music and their fans. When I told Shaye that she had inspired me to start playing cornet again after 20 years she was genuinely chuffed. Bill

Here's another email from England:

Hi Ivan

I want to say how much I agree with your view of Tuba Skinny. The dissenting voices come from that club that does so much to kill off accessible jazz: the old man's club playing old man's music. The accent is on 'man'.

There are two women in Tuba Skinny. Not girls, not ladies. Women.

If it's image you're after then get a band full of shop window dummies.

The future of acoustic swing has been passed to another generation. 

Long live the music of the future.

Alan

And another:

Hello Ivan,

I must say I agree with your every word about Tuba Skinny's dress.  Contrary to the quoted comment, casual clothes are not necessarily dirty or scruffy!

Tuba Skinny is a street band and I don't see any problem if they choose to appear in more formal settings dressed like a street band.  I'm just trying to imagine Metallica performing in grey lounge suits.

After the hottest two weeks of the year, I guess a lot of orchestral musicians would prefer T-shirts to white tie and tails!

Sam  

And one from a Dutch reader:

Dear Ivan,

Also I find this band: fabulous

The band members should receive all our respect: I feel some shame that this discussion is raised here in Europe.

Tell those elderly musicians, that they better should write a letter to Obama, that this band should receive a subsidy or prize for safeguarding this jazz heritage.

Rgs, Jan

Post 238: THE BIZARRE AUDIENCE

Why is it that many people like to talk - often at the tops of their voices - while some of the world's greatest and most creative musicians are playing sublimely only a few yards away? Audiences would not do this at a concert of classical chamber music. (And traditional jazz, in my view, is a branch of chamber music.)

Yes, members of traditional jazz audiences can be strange. I am reminded of audience behaviour I have noticed in the past.

You often come across someone who gives a band-leader a 'request' and then walks away, gets into a conversation and doesn't bother to listen when the band plays the tune.

I'm also surprised that some people who claim to be 'jazzers' or 'jazz buffs' are unable to recognise even the most common tunes from the traditional jazz repertoire.

A revealing incident occurred when I was playing in an English pub with just three other musicians: we were clarinet, cornet, banjo, string bass.

A gentleman called out, 'How about giving us South Rampart Street Parade?' Our leader replied, 'It's really a big band number. It's a tune that needs a trombone - and we haven't got one. If we try it, it won't sound good. And in any case we've never played it together before.'

So we ignored the request and played the next tune in our programme - The Darktown Strutters Ball. When we finished it, the same gentleman stood up, applauded loudly and said, 'There you are! You can play South Rampart Street Parade! Don't ever tell me again that you can't play it!'

I'm also often surprised when there is some really poor playing and yet the audience applauds heartily. For example, some member of the band takes a 32-bar solo chorus in which he obviously makes a few mistakes, hits some horrible notes, loses the harmony for a bar or two and knows very well that the sounds he is making are far from what he is attempting to make. And yet the audience still applauds at the end of the solo. It seems to be ritualistic rather than truly appreciative.

Similarly, when at the end of a mediocre performance I hear people giving it high praise, I sometimes wonder whether we have been listening to the same music. What exactly have they been hearing?

Conversely, isn't it strange how unresponsive some audiences can be, even when terrific traditional jazz is being played?

Friend and fellow trumpet player Richard Boswell from the south of England asked me to have a look at a YouTube video of Rod Mason's Band playing Grandpa's Spells in Germany. The year was 1986. It is a lively well-drilled and well-arranged performance, technically brilliant. And yet, as Richard pointed out, the audience (of whom we see quite a lot) looks uninterested, uninvolved and unresponsive. They almost look as if they are attending a funeral. (To be fair, there is just a hint at the end of the video they they were at least going to applaud.)

Click here to see the video.

All this reminds me of an incident that occurred in April 1993. I was in New Orleans for the French Quarter Festival with a party of 40 jazz fans (members of The Ken Colyer Trust) from the U.K. Quite a few treats were included in our programme. One of these was a Sunday Jazz Brunch in a top hotel - the Westin. Right beside us, as we dined, a superb band led by Clive Wilson was providing rich entertainment. His band included some of the very best musicians playing traditional jazz anywhere in the world at that time.

But I noticed that very few people in the restaurant - even among our own party - were paying attention to the music. There came a point when Clive launched into West End Blues and gave us the full Armstrong version - effortlessly (it seemed) playing that amazing opening cadenza and then even playing beautifully all the high-note stuff in the later choruses. It is no exaggeration to say it was sensationally good. Yet, at the end, nobody took any notice. I was the only person in the entire restaurant who applauded. 

Clive Wilson

When the band took a break, I had a word with Clive, mainly to say how sorry I was and to offer a kind of apology on behalf of all the customers. Clive graciously told me not to worry. He said the musicians were accustomed to that sort of thing.

It is a measure of how much the incident disappointed me that I still remember it so well.
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Footnote:

Henry - a banjo and keyboard player in Princeton, New Jersey, has emailed me to say his band (The Hot Taters) does its best to hold the audience's attention by marching in at the start (and out at the end) and by wearing flamboyant capes, masks and hats. He says the audience responds to this and the musicians consequently play better; and everybody enjoys themselves more:

Post 189: SMOKING

When my father was a soldier during the Second World War, one of the kindest and most generous things wives or relatives thought they could do was to send packets of cigarettes to 'our boys'. Smoking was considered fashionable and normal.

How times have changed!

I'm lucky. I am a non-smoker. Several times, in my youth, I wished I could give up non-smoking, but I lacked the will to do it.

When I was 60 years old and trying to play traditional jazz, I was kindly allowed to sit in with a band playing regularly in a Norfolk pub here in England. It was a great learning experience for me. I joined the band and stayed with it for several years. But breathing inside the pub was unpleasant: there was a fug of tobacco smoke. Many in the audience (not to mention three members of the band - one of them a doctor!) were serious smokers. At the end of every gig, my eyes were sore, my hair and skin were stinking and my clothes needed to go straight in the wash.

On top of all this, goodness knows what damage was being done to the health of everyone in the pub. (Those three smoker musicians, by the way, have all since died.)

After a few years, at the start of 2004, the pub landlord was enlightened enough to put up a notice banning smoking from the bar in which the band played (though not in the rest of the pub). This made a huge difference. I enjoyed the gigs so much more.

As you may know, a ban on smoking in public places was eventually introduced by law in the UK in July 2007. Since then, playing in jazz bands in indoor venues has become much more pleasurable.

Why am I picking on this subject today? Because a blog reader told me how sad it was to see musicians having to endure such a smoky atmosphere when they played at some jazz venues in America. This blog reader (O.K. - it's Wally, from Canada) admits that he himself is a smoker. And yet he is understanding enough to appreciate that singers and trumpet players, for example, have to gulp air in through the mouth rapidly and frequently while performing. They need to fill the lungs with good air - not something choking and lethal.

Sadly, some of the musicians themselves are smokers - even among those young stars in New Orleans whose generation ought to know better. I am saddened. We have come to love these brilliant young people; and their music brings us so much pleasure. It is a pity they do something that not only makes their work harder but will probably shorten their lives.

But there is some good news. I visited New Orleans in April 2015, and was pleased to note that smoking was by then banned in some of the venues in which the bands play. And I noticed very little smoking during my several visits to The Spotted Cat. I was also told by locals that a law-enforceable ban (as in England) was due to come into force on April 22, a few days after I left.

Post 81: HORRIBLE VOCALS

I spend a lot of time watching and listening to traditional jazz bands.

One thing I find disappointing is that some of the 'vocals' are - frankly - horrible.

In particular, there are so many elderly male performers who are determined to sing the words of whatever tune they are playing, regardless of their lack of ability. They croak and strain and are out of tune. Such 'expression' as they attempt is inept. If that's the best they can do, why bother?

Perhaps some of them used to have reasonably good singing voices twenty or thirty years ago. They haven't noticed (and friends have been too kind to tell them) that they have 'lost it' with the passage of time.

I think these vocals help to explain why traditional jazz fails to attract younger audiences.

Some of the elderly gents seem to think that, in order to be qualified to sing, all you need is to be a bit musical on the clarinet or trumpet and also have the words of the song on a music stand in front of you. But there is far more of an art to it than that. It requires a good voice, intelligence and serious practice.

Here's the great Erika Lewis. What would most of us give to have a singer of her quality working with our band? But if we don't have a good singer, then may I suggest that we let the music speak for itself and cut out those horrible 'vocals'?

Post 34: BAD MANNERS

Today I am Mr. Grumpy.

The Band is playing Margie. They have started with a couple of ensemble choruses. Now it's the turn for the clarinet player to give us his 32-bar improvised solo. But, as soon as he begins, the trumpet player turns to talk to the trombonist, and a moment later they both guffaw with laughter at some private joke, distracting our attention from the music. I can tell you that, in England, this sort of thing frequently happens.  I don't know whether it's the same in other countries.

It is bad manners. I suspect it is even one of the reasons why some people lose interest in attending traditional jazz performances.

It is bad manners to both the audience and the other members of the band, because the message it gives is 'The music these other chaps are playing is so uninteresting that we might as well talk among ourselves.'

Even the 'private joke' aspect is bad manners. If there is something really funny to be said, it should be said between tunes and shared with the audience.

I'm getting all this off my chest because a correspondent (who is not himself a musician) told me how irritating it can be to an audience.

Of course, talking is excusable if it is simply the leader quietly giving an instruction, such as 'Take the next chorus'; but even this can be done discreetly, usually with a signal rather than words.

In a certain great young American band (you know the one I mean) the only words you may notice are signals such as 'Threes!' (rhythm players to play only the first three beats of each bar) or 'Top!' (go back to the first theme).

Players should concentrate on the music - and that includes listening appreciatively to their colleagues. If they expect the audience to listen, surely the members of the band should set an example? We need to demonstrate that we care about the music.

But to end on a slightly less grumpy note, I must tell you about one recent occasion when 'talk' within a band was both excusable and amusing.

It was a gig in a hall where nobody was listening to the band. The entire 'audience' was at the other end of the hall, watching a football match on a giant TV screen. But the band had been booked to play. So they soldiered on. Confronted by such indifference, the string bass player - a very droll fellow - while still pumping out the bass line behind the clarinet solo said to the rest of the Band in a weary, plaintive voice: 'What is the meaning of life? Why are we all here? What is God's purpose for us on Earth? Perhaps life has no meaning.'

By the way, the very best audiences for traditional jazz are bovine.

You will know this if you have ever seen this famous video:
Click here to watch.